Dear diary,
Did not sleep well. I woke up 3-4 times last night, feeling my heart skipping beats and my body tensing. The thought about work made me feel even worse. Eventually decided to call in sick today and that finally let me sleep.
In the morning spent a whole 5 seconds before starting to get anxious. Was able to walk with the dog, and after doubting and worrying about it, did call in sick. Thankful to have a manager who really understands - and feeling sad because she understands. She's going through something similar. We're both struggling, both keeping up appearances and breaking up inside. But we're not giving up.
A lot of physical symptoms today: heart skipping beats, heartburn, acid reflux, extremely swollen stomach (intestines), tense shoulders and arms feeling quickly tired. Probably bad blood flow due to the muscle tension... or an impending emergency. It's hard to relax, as I keep thinking it's something serious after all. My note on the computer screen says "You're okay", but today I don't believe it. I wrote it last week when I came back from the doctors, and now something is perhaps already changed.
Managed to eat, and almost threw up afterwards due to the acid reflux. Managed to color a bit:
Also watched tv and played computer games. Still nervous and the voice of anxiety is annoyingly loud today. If I just could believe it's only stress and let go... but then again, stress kills too, so I'm screwed anyway.
Yay for me.
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