Finding the words for feelings and sensations

In therapy, at the doctor's, talking to a friend, writing a diary, during mindfulness... there are  many situations where we want to explain what we feel. 

For many this is difficult. Some even say they "don't feel anything". Apart from people with specific disorders, who are uncapable of having emotions, I think we all feel something. We just don't always have the words to describe it.

Words for emotions

Forget feeling "fine" or "not bad". Check the amazing Emotion Wheels by Human Systems. Below is as an example the wheel for uncomfortable emotions:

(c) Human Systems

Start from the middle to pick your base feeling, for example Sad. Then  move on to the middle ring,  and see what resonates best. The third, outer wheel gives even more definition. The process of choosing is already therapeutic as it helps you to define what you are experiencing - and what you are not. "I'm feeling sad, but not angry or afraid" gives you a direction and strengthens your ability to recognize your emotions. 

Human Systems also have Needs wheels, for those moments when you are missing Something. You can combine it beautifully with the Emotions wheels. I am feeling Afraid, and to help it, I need Safety in the form of (fill it in with your chosen need).

The creator of these wheels also has a YouTube- channel with the name humansystems3940. Please check her website and videos to get more information on how to use these wheels.

Words for physical sensations

Physical sensations, things we experience through our senses, can be just as hard to describe as emotions. This is why doctors ask so many questions. We have "back pain", but the doctor needs to know exactly where, when it started, is it continuous, is it burning, stinging, aching, throbbing... 

Even your basic mindfulness-exercise, the body scan, starts with recognizing what we feel within our body. Without the words the entire exercise can feel useless and frustrating. "What do you mean how my leg feels? It feels normal!" 

Blasius Counseling has an alphabetical body vocabulary to help find definition. Maybe your leg is warm? Or itchy, or you feel pressure from your clothing, or the new socks feel soft.  

Larisa Noonan has created this "sensational list" in handy categories from Stabby to the well-known Ugh and Blah. She also has a specific category for words describing well-being and vitality.

Beverly Swann also has a handy one-page list of sensation words you can even print out.

So, let's try again...

... how do you feel?

What are you afraid of?

Somatic symptom disorder, anxiety disorder and illness anxiety disorder all have that one thing in common: fear. But fear of what, exactly?

In order to get over the fears, we need to know what we're afraid of.  Unfortunately this is going to get uncomfortable.

To find out what we're afraid of, we need to start asking the horrible what-if -questions. We need to keep asking until... well, until we're on the verge of, or in, a panic attack. Only then we have found the real issue and can start working on it. 

Example: Bob is afraid of getting sick. He owns an impressive selection of meters, and keeps checking his blood pressure, temperature, blood sugar and blood oxygen. He gets anxious if he reads about sicknesses or hears that someone has passed away.

What is Bob afraid of? Well, plenty of things: that his blood pressure is too high, that he would get sick, that he sees an ambulance, that he sneezes once too many times. Fine, let's start pushing Bob.

Question: What would happen if you got sick, Bob?

Bob: I might need to go to the hospital. Yuck, I'm afraid of hospitals.

Question: What would happen if you were in the hospital? Let's assume that you lie in a hospital bed now, with an IV-needle in your hand and nurses around you.

Bob: I would be very afraid because .. because I don't know what's going on. I don't have any control and I'm away from home.

Question: What will happen at home when you're away?

Bob: The kids.. they would be scared and they don't know what to do! They're alone and scared and no one knows when I'll be back - if I'll ever be back!

 Question: What would then happen to the kids?

Bob: They'll starve to death and die alone in an empty house! They'd be cold and scared and alone! I have failed as a parent, I need to protect them!  What kind of parent leaves their kids like that? 

See what happened here: Bob thought he was afraid of sickness, but he's more afraid of losing control and being a good parent.

Rather than focus on his fear for sickness, Bob could focus on practical concerns (make sure there is someone who can take care of his kids if he's not available for any reason). He could also start to work on his compulsive need for control. Letting go and trusting others around him would give him much more room to breathe even in unpleasant moments. 

Not scary but boring

Panic / anxiety can be described with many negative words: scary, intimidating, frightening, disappointing, shameful, painful, tiring... Simple put, they have a huge impact on us. A large portion of that impact is caused by the idea that the anxiety has control over us.

Does this sound familiar:

"Oh no, I might be getting a panic attack... I hope it won't be a bad one. I hope my hands won't start shaking... oh, they do already. I'll be fine as long as I don't get dizzy.. I'm feeling dizzy, what now?? I bet my heart will start racing again - and it does!" 

We expect unpleasant things to happen, and get more anxious when they happen. That's a bit silly, really, since we KNEW it was going to happen and still got more afraid. Let's change that.

Gamify your panic attack.

A roller coaster is exciting for the few first times, but soon you learn every loop, tilt and drop, and it gets boring. Same can be done for anxiety attacks. 

When you feel a panic attack coming:

1) Sit back and let it happen. The game is starting! Grab a pen and paper if you want to count your points.

2) Guess what will happen next. What do you feel first, and what comes next? 

3) Give yourself points when you get it right. Did your hands start shaking like you expected? Point! Did your left leg start to tingle before your right one did? Point! 

This exercise puts you in charge. You are calling the shots. You expected it, you know what'll happen, blah blah been there done that. 

And if you're feeling particularly much like lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump... challenge your anxiety to try something new. "Yes I  know all this, try something new. An itchy ear maybe? A green toe? Come on, anxiety, you can do better!"